Sunday, June 25, 2017

Aing Kebanyakan Main Game

Udah gaperlu aing kasih tau lagi ya, ini tempat aing ngebacot tentang hidup aing, karena aing gamau ngebacot di line dan semacamnya.


Kenapa sih, aing baca novel?
Nonton film, serial, anime? Main game? Dengerin lagu?

Mereka bisa menghibur karena mereka membawa aing ke tempat yang jauh, yang begitu berbeda dari kehidupan real-life. Mereka memberi aing imajinasi. Macam sebuah padang rumput hijau yang tenang di pinggiran kota, atau rasa excited saat base jumping, atau bahkan megang senjata api di tangan, dan menembak kepala musuh yang barusan membunuh sahabat aing karena dendam pribadi saat main game. Aing belajar ngertiin pesan apa sih yang sebenernya penulis lagu coba sampaikan ke pendengarnya (atau kalo penulis lagunya samasekali ga niat), lalu aing coba ngerti pesan-pesan itu. Aing beneran kebayang sebuah resepsi pernikahan orang saat aing denger lagu Wedding Bell nya Depapepe. Aing mencoba ngerti mungkin sebenernya si "boy" ini dia sendiri, dia cuma berkontemplasi akan dirinya sendiri ketika aing denger lagu High and Dry nya Radiohead. Aing merasakan sulit dan senangnya hidup di jaman kolonial Hindia Belanda ketika aing baca Tetralogi Buru nya Pramoedya Ananta Toer. Betapa senangnya, bukan? Kenyataan tidak semenarik itu kan?

Aing butuh distraksi itu, yang ngebuat aing terlepas dari gangguan dan kebosanan sekitar, yang begitu mudah mencengkeram isi kepala dan hati aing dari fantasi terliar di luar sana. Makin liar, makin mahal pula harganya, namun makin bahagialah aing jadinya. Maka kita semua menghabiskan waktu, tenaga dan uang untuk mengidolakan hobi-hobi ini. Aing kenal temen yang ngakunya sih udah habisin berjuta-juta buat ngisi Steam Wallet, semacam uang virtual untuk beli game dan konten lainnya. Makin jauh kita dari kenyataan, maka makin mendekati kenyataan pula fantasi itu. Mereka memberikan kita apa yang tak bisa (atau gagal) kita dapatkan sehari-hari: emosi. 

Makanya aing menyenangi hobi-hobi kayak gini. Aing jadi punya pelarian. Aing jadi merasa punya fallback option seandainya things go south. Aing punya senjata rahasia ketika aing merasa dunia ini udah cukup kejam, sehingga aing bisa kembali bahagia dan coba melawan dunia lagi, itulah hobi aing. Hormon-hormon dan segala chemicals di otak aing dicampur jadi satu ketika aing main game. Kebijaksanaan aing serasa meningkat sesaat (namun signifikan) ketika aing baca novel bagus. Aing merasa ngerti dengan perasaan orang-orang sekitar aing ketika aing mencoba ngerti perasaan pembuat lagu, yang aing simpulkan dari isi lagunya. Aing belajar menikmati hal-hal kecil, kayak ngopi bareng sobat sambil kajian profil kaderisasi, ditemani terang rembulan tengah malam. Walau lagi ribet otaknya tapi aing selipin syukur diantara tegukan kopi pahit asam gayo aceh temen aing itu (yang aing minta). Aing jadi ngerasa hidup ini punya lebih arti dari yang terlihat awalnya.

Lalu dengan hal ini, masih ada aja yang ngatain hobi aing ga produktif? Tentu lah, maneh ngarep apa gil. Apa yang orang lain liat? Aing duduk depan komputer hampir 12 jam sehari pas liburan. Aing pake headset diem duduk di belakang mobil dan dimarahin pas ternyata mamah manggil tapi aing ga jawab. Aing baca one piece dikira main hape doang ga guna pas lagi nunggu makan bareng keluarga di rumah, dan aing nyadar kok. Aing liat tatapan-tatapan sekitar aing yang menjudge aing korban teknologi, ketagihan medsos dan semacamnya. Padahal mereka sendiri lagi liat tv.

Ini hidup aing. Ini cara aing menghadapi hidup aing, dibandingkan cara-cara orang lain di luar sana yang beralih ke drugs dan minum-minum ketika mereka masih (atau selalu) dilarang minum. Lalu orang akan berargumen, "tapi si dia baik-baik aja, dan dia ga main game atau suka denger lagu kok."

Ya, orang bakal berargumen. Dan the truth is aing gapunya argumen apapun buat melawannya, selain argumen murahan "hidupmu hidupku".

Lalu, akhirnya pernyataan sejuta umat. 

Jadi siapa yang salah?

Duh, gajadi kan aing bikin indomie malem ini

Monday, June 12, 2017

Songs for the Moment #1

Beautiful by Eminem


"Lately I've been hard to reach
I've been too long on my own
Everybody has a private world
Where they can be alone
Are you calling me, are you trying to get through
Are you reaching out for me, or I'm reaching out for you"
I'm just so fuckin' depressed
I just can't seem to get out this slump
If I could just get over this hump
But I need something to pull me out this dump
I took my bruises, took my lumps
Fell down and I got right back up
But I need that spark to get psyched back up
In order for me to pick that mic back up
I don't know how or why or when
And I ended up in this position I'm in
I starting to feel distant again
So I decided just to pick this pen

Up and tried to make an attempt to vent, but I just can't admit
Or come to grips, with the fact that
I may be done with rap, I need a new outlet
I know some shits so hard to swallow
And I just can't sit back and wallow
In my own sorrow, but I know one fact
I'll be one tough act to follow
One tough act to follow, copy, one tough act to follow
Here today, gone tomorrow
But you have to walk a thousand miles
In my shoes, just to see
What it'd be like, to be me
I'll be you, let's trade shoes
Just to see what I'd be like to
Feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each other's mind
Just to see what we find
Look at shit through each other's eyes
But don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful oh
They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you so
Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful oh
They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you so
I think I'm starting to lose my sense of humor
Everything is so tense and gloom
I almost feel like I gotta check the temperature in the room
Just as soon as I walk in
It's like all eyes on me, so I try to avoid any eye contact
Cause if I do that then it opens a door to conversation, like I want that
I'm not looking for extra attention
I just want to be just like you
Blend in with the rest of the room
Maybe just point me to the closest restroom
I don't need no fucking manservant
Follow me around, and wiping my ass
Laugh at every single joke I crack
And half of 'em ain't even funny like
Haha Marshall, you're so funny man, you should be a comedian, god damn
Unfortunately I am, but I just hide behind the tears of a clown
So why don't you all sit down
Listen to the tale I'm about to tell
Hell, we don't have to trade our shoes
And you don't have to walk no thousand miles
In my shoes, just to see
What it'd be like, to be me
I'll be you, let's trade shoes
Just to see what I'd be like to
Feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each other's mind
Just to see what we find
Look at shit through each other's eyes
But don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful oh
They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you so so
Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful oh
They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you
Nobody asked for life to deal us
With these bullshit hands we're dealt
We gotta take these cards ourselves
Flip them, don't expect no help
, now I could have either just

Sat on my ass and pissed and moaned
But take this situation in which I'm placed in
And get up and get my own, I was never the type of kid
To wait but I know to unpack his bags
Never sat on the porch and hoped and prayed
For a dad to show up who never did
I just wanted to fit in, every single place, every school I went
I dreamed of being that cool kid
Even if it meant acting stupid,
Aunt Edna always told me

Keep making that face till it gets stuck like that
Meanwhile I'm just standing there
Holding my tongue up trying to talk like this
Till I stuck my tongue on the frozen stop sign pole at eight years old
I learned my lesson and cause I wasn't tryin to impress my friends no more
But I already told you my whole life story
Not just based on my description
Cause where you see it from where you're sitting
Is probably a hundred and ten percent different

I guess we would have to walk a mile
In each other's shoes, at least

What size you where? I wear tens
Let's see if you can fit your feet
In my shoes, just to see
What it'd be like, to be me
I'll be you, let's trade shoes
Just to see what I'd be like to
Feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each other's mind
Just to see what we find
Look at shit through each other's eyes
But don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful oh
They can all get fucked, just stay true to you so
Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful oh
They can all get fucked, just stay true to you so
"Lately I've been hard to reach
I've been too long on my own
Everybody has a private world
Where they can be alone
Are you calling me, are you trying to get through
Are you reaching out for me, and I'm reaching out for you"
"Yea, to my babies. Stay strong. Daddy will be home soon
And to the rest of the world, God gave you the shoes
That fit you
, so put em on and wear 'em

And be yourself man, be proud of who you are
Even if it sounds corny,
Don't ever let no one tell you, you ain't beautiful"



---
July 16th, 2017
Setelah ke-hectic-anmu

Monday, June 5, 2017

Akhirnya..

Berakhir seperti biasanya. Udah ga aneh lagi lah.

Seengganya, dia beda lah dari yang lain. Gaakan selesai doa-doa aing untuk dia dan keluarganya

Tapi, ujung-ujungnya, aing ternyata bener lagi. Kalo aing gaakan bisa bener ngurusin hal kayak ginian.

5 Juli 2017

- Pecundang

Friday, June 2, 2017

"
Kemaslahatan kehidupan manusia sekali-kali jangan engkau kaitkan dengan melimpahnya ataupun saratnya waktu. 

Masa bukanlah hal yang bisa anda perolok layaknya hujan yang menggagalkan rencana lari soremu. 

Ia tidak menunggu, namun ditunggu, dan semua akan menunggu bila datang pada waktunya.
"

2 Juni 2017
Saat malam menggigil dan kenyang melambai,
Agil Pramudya